Monday, February 18, 2013

A good day today

Well, I got up late and had lunch with my boyfriend and his parents, and I had a pizza (okay...I know it sounds bad, but hear me out). We went to a local, equal exchange, organic cafe and the pizza was VERY thin, on a tortilla, and it had tomato sauce and cheese. So the crust is super thin and I know that the owner does a very good job picking good ingredients. 

I hung around for a bit, and then I worked out doing this video:

It's a dance party and it was heavy enough that I broke a sweat, but light enough that I didn't feel like I was dying. AND AND AND it's the first workout I've been able to get through in like...forever. It's only half an hour, so it's not too time consuming and it's FUN!! So many dance workouts are just cardio in disguise and you know it, too. I knew this was cardio but it was so fun and easy I didn't even care. It was just dancing, and I'd missed that.

Then I went to dinner. I got: Chicken Dialotini (spelling??? Some Italian tubular pasta thingy) which was only 90 cals and had 2.5 grams of fat. Pretttttyyyy good, right? And it was yummy. I also got a plate and filled it with 1 part brocolli, 1 part cucumbers, 1 part hummus, and 1 part red kidney beans. I put red wine vinegar on the veggies and some pepper and another spice mix, too. I didn't finish the whole plate but it's a lot easier than making a salad, lemme tell you. I also had 1 small piece of whole grain bread, for my grains, and 3 watermelon pieces. I also had water, and I brought a banana and apple back to my dorm with me. 

I feel good about myself! For the first time in a long time :) Here's to small changes and small progress!

K xx

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Sunday, February 17, 2013

Keep calm and.....

So last night I couldn't fall asleep for a while because I hadn't been anxious at all for the past few days and obviously my brain decided that I need SOMETHING to be worried about. Luckily, I had my boyfriend there to hug me and trace my face until I fell asleep, which I did after a bit. I woke up this morning (I mean....afternoon) asking myself what's holding me back to becoming healthier and losing weight?

I mean really, what is it? I can make excuses all I want, but in the end it comes down to me. I need to lose approx. 50 lbs, a little bit more than that, if I want to get down to a healthy weight for my height. Everyone who loses weight is like, I lost 10 POUNDS IN THREE WEEKS (insert this face here):

And it really discourages me, actually, because it seems like I can never do that. Little do they know, though, is that they will probably gain it all back because healthy weight loss does NOT happen that fast. I'm aiming for 1lb a week, which will take me a little bit under a year. ONE YEAR. I can do that, right? It'll be hard at college, because of the food situation, and it'll be hard at home during the summer because, well....heat. Ick. No one likes running or working out when it's hot outside. Ew. However, I'll make it work. I have to!

So I'm going to record my food here and my workouts. 
Today I ate: 
1/2 of a small bowl of salad with greek dressing (brocolli, cukes, red kidney beans, feta)
Sandwich - Whole wheat bread, yellow mustard, 2 slices bologna, 2 slices turkey, 2 slices provologne, pickles (which have essentially no calories).
Choc. Pudding

Today I worked out:
30 mins - Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred
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Saturday, February 16, 2013

Money Money Money, Must Be Funny, in a Rich Man's World

Hello everyone, just a quick update. As I write this I'm waiting for my mom to call me so we can have what is guaranteed to be a good time (yeah....) doing nothing other than....TAXES! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *Throws confetti everywhere*



Really, REALLY not looking forward to it, in fact. We usually do it together, when I go home, but this year I'm kind of super poor and have no money to take the train home, so she and I get to do it over the phone. There's bound to be some shouting and misunderstandings but every year I'm still her daughter at the end of it. 

So that's good....right? Luckily this summer I worked a nannying job and so I don't have an official W-2 form to fill out (mwahahaha). I made a grand total of $270 from the preschool I work at and I am sure the IRS is just shaking its head in disbelief that one person could be so incredibly poor.

It's so hard. I really really want another job in the time that I'm not at school, but to do that I need  a car. To get a car, I need money (of which I have practically none). So if I did get a car, I'd have to have someone 1. buy it for me, and 2. pay for my insurance for the first few months so I could actually save up some money to pay for it myself. And gas? Don't even get me started on gas.

I really wanted to go to an open mic today in Boston, and I had been planning on it for weeks. But when the time came, my boyfriend didn't have any money and I didn't want to pay for him - I know it sounds harsh, but even the littlest amount I can't spend right now - and it's snowing, so we didn't end up going in. It sucks because I *really* wanted to go and was looking forward to it.

I hope one day there will be a time when my wallet won't be empty and that I can have the choice to do something fun that costs a little (the event was free but the transportation wasn't), that I can get eye and dental insurance, new glasses, a cleaning, and most importantly, I can have a car so I can get to work.

I know these are things that are relevant to my culture. I know I'm very lucky to have the little money that I do, realizing that what's in my savings right now is more than some people will ever make. However, in this society, it doesn't go far. It's tough. I don't want to be worrying about money forever, and getting an apartment, paying bills, paying off student loans, getting a credit card - it scares me.

They never teach you this stuff in high school. Maybe if they did, there wouldn't be so many home forclosures and people would be able to pay off credit card debt. I don't know. One day at a time, I guess.

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Sunday, February 10, 2013

snowpocalype, meditation, and a sleeping boyfriend

Hello....everyone. Seriously, does anyone read this? If so, hello. If not, well then I guess I'm just venting my feelings out to the universe, huh?

I figured I'd make a post while I wait for my Chakra balancing and healing mediation to load fully. We had a massive snowstorm here in MA this past Friday - Saturday, and my university lost power Friday around 11:30pm until Saturday around 8 pr 9. It was nice to be able to shower, to say the least! The internet is back up, but today it's running slower than usual so I've had to stop my mediation at least three times to wait for it to load. My chakras must be impatient by now. 

I've been trying to do well with healthy eating and stuff, but I have to admit that I've been drinking soda (diet Pepsi, to be exact) on occasion again when I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I don't have anything else with me. I guess I'll just have to be more prepared and fill up my water bottle so I can bring it with me for my night class. Last week I had a huge breakdown and I realized that basically, I'm mad at myself for letting me get so unhealthy and achy and unfit. It's hard for me to even work out sometimes because my shoes hurt so bad. That's not because of me, that's just because of Nike's crappy company. I honestly think they've seriously damaged my feet - sometimes when I get up at the end of class, my feet are so stiff it hurts to walk, and I'm not even wearing my sneakers then. Grrrrr. So yeah, I basically just got mad at myself but I'm going to go little by little and at least try to work out a small bit. I did a veeeeery short workout today, only about 10 - 15 minutes, because the internet crapped out on me and nothing would load. UGH. Maybe tomorrow I can do better. I really need to find a good workout that works for me. I love love LOVE Zumba, but it's hard for me to do it in my room because it's tiny, and the times on campus are so inconsistent. I seriously can't wait until I can afford a gym membership and I can just use the damn elliptical.

Tony's having a nap right now, and I honestly feel like doing the same. I don't know WHY I'm so tired, but after my "workout" I just felt like my eyes couldn't stay open. However, starting the chakra meditation is helping me feel more energized. If only I could finish it....

Last night was fun. I hung out with my friends McKayla and my new friend Katie, who I'd seen around but never hung out with. She did Tarot cards for me, and mine basically said that a teacher's going to come into my life, and that I need to do a lot of introspection to help me get through the rough patch I'm going through right now. They were pretty vague because I didn't ask a specific question, but one of the cards said that I had recently gone through a period of extreme confusion and conflict and it had left me unsettled. That was weird because it was SPOT ON. Later, I was talking to her about my Gram who passed away this summer and she started asking me questions about her. The first one was, did she have dark hair? Yes, she did. Was it wavy/curly and framed her face? Yes, it was. Did she wear a piece of gold jewelry all the time? Yes, her wedding ring. Those were just some of the questions but it was really freaking amazing. Apparently my Bubba came to say hi, as well. They're both totally fine and dancing it up on the other side. I was suspicious at first, but both Katie and McKayla have psychic ability and special...skills, let's just say. So I decided to go with it. 

Well, my mediation's done loading. I think I'm going to finish that and then go to sleep!! 

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